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5 Tips to Stay Sober During the Holidays

5 tips to stay sober during the holidays

By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC

Sober Holidays Tip #1: Take it easy! Get plenty of rest, watch what you eat, get your usual exercise, and take time for meditation. Maintain your recovery routine as much as possible.

Sober Holidays Tip #2  Don’t romance the drink or drug. If everyone starts talking about the “good old days,” leave the room. You don’t want to start thinking about your drinking or using days. That can lead to preoccupation and obsession, and then to cravings. Keep your focus on your life right now, your life in recovery.

Sober Holidays Tip #3  Be very careful about what you eat and drink. Alcohol doesn’t come only in a glass or a bottle. It can come in bowls and plates, too. And what you don’t know can hurt you. One reason, of course, is that even a small amount of alcohol can trigger a relapse. How much does it take? A tiny drop? A small glass? There is no definitive answer, so it’s best to avoid all alcohol and keep your risk as low as possible. Another reason is the psychological risk: the taste plus the “thrill” of knowing that you’re consuming alcohol could turn on a compulsion to drink. Remember, the addiction is in the person, not the substance; it’s critical to stay away from that slippery slope of guessing what might be risky for you.

Sober Holidays Tip #4 Practice TAMERS every day. Don’t let up on your brain healing activities. Practice TAMERS every day:

  • Think about recovery, Talk about recovery.
  • Act on recovery, connect with others.
  • Meditate and Minimize stress.
  • Exercise and Eat well.
  • Relax
  • Sleep

Sober Holidays Tip #5  It’s okay to tell people you are now in recovery. There is a lot less stigma these days to being in recovery. Nearly everyone knows someone who is in recovery and very open about it. It’s your choice whether or not you want to tell people. One good reason to be open about it: If your friends don’t know you’ve given up alcohol, they may lead you into temptation without intending to. Another reason: When you let it be known that you don’t drink, you offer support and encouragement to others who are thinking about sobriety but are afraid to take the leap. You just might be the catalyst that gets someone else started on recovery.

The above tips are from “The Recovery Book” by Al J. Mooney, MD, Catherine Dold and Howard Eisenberg which is a great resource for anyone in recovery or with a loved one in recovery.

As a counselor, coach and interventionist I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. My email is randy@randymoraitis.com and my phone is 949-303-8264. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.carepossible.org.

About Randy Moraitis

Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy, he will gladly show you pictures!)

Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families affected by addiction and/or mental health issues. He is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelors degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been helping groups, individuals and families get mentally, physically and spiritually healthy in Orange County for over 25 years.

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Christmas Facts and Fallacies

christmas tree
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC

1. What’s up with mistletoe? Mistletoe, the only plant to rival roses for inspiring kisses, was originally used by Druid priests 200 years before the birth of Christ in their winter celebrations. They revered the plant since it had no roots yet remained green during the cold months of winter.

The ancient Celtics believed mistletoe to have magical healing powers and used it as an antidote for poison, infertility, and to ward off evil spirits. The plant was also seen as a symbol of peace, and it is said that among Romans, enemies who met under mistletoe would lay down their weapons and embrace.

Scandinavians associated the plant with Frigga, their goddess of love, and it may be from this that we derive the custom of kissing under the mistletoe. Those who kissed under the mistletoe had the promise of happiness and good luck in the following year.

So mistletoe is more related to wintertime, than Christmas, but it’s use is highly encouraged by this writer.

2. The stable truth. The biblical story about the birth of Christ does not actually mention a stable. It does mention a manger which often leads people to think the baby Jesus was born in a barn. In reality, Jesus was probably born in a cave or, according to archaeology experts, Jesus was probably born in the house of relatives, but outside of the normal living and guest quarters. Quite a humble beginning.

3. Who were The Three Kings? Sorry to totally mess up your nativity scene (mine, too!) but there is no actual mention of “kings” in the biblical account of Christ’s birth. The Bible does say that wise men, also called “magi”, (but not Kings) visited Jesus. And it never says there were three of them. The word used for “magi” is plural, there were more than one, but people assume there were three because of the three gifts—gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Bottom line, they were not kings and there may not have been three of them!

4. Is Christmas really Jesus’ birthday? Although it is possible, it is very unlikely that Jesus was born on December 25th. No one knows for sure the exact date of Christ’s birth. The date chosen to celebrate it may be related to the Roman Saturnalia festival that lasted from the 17th -23rd of December. December 25th was chosen somewhere during the 4th century AD by the heads of the church. People were already used to gathering, so why not celebrate the birth of Christ?

5. Who is Santa Claus? Yes, Virginia, there really was a Santa Claus! The origin of Santa Claus began in the 4th century with the real Saint Nicholas, a Bishop in present day Turkey. By all accounts St. Nicholas was a generous and devoted Christ follower. He was particularly devoted to children. His kindness and reputation for generosity gave rise to much folklore that has spread and increased across cultures and through the years.

6. What about Jesus? Who was he? Did he really exist or was he a mythological character? There can be no doubt that Jesus actually existed and that he walked the earth. Sources outside of the Bible clearly confirm this. We may not have all the facts and cast of characters of our nativity scenes completely accurate, but we can rest assured that Jesus Christ was born, that his birth has been celebrated for two thousand years, and that he is the reason for the season. Merry Christmas!

Do you have any interesting Christmas facts or fallacies? I would love to hear them! Contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com or 949-303-8264. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.carepossible.org.

About Randy Moraitis
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy he will gladly show you pictures!) Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families affected by addiction and/or mental health issues. He is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelors degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been helping groups, individuals and families get mentally, physically and spiritually healthy in Orange County for over 25 years.

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3 Quick Tips for Step-families During the Holidays

christmas family

By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC

The holidays are rapidly approaching and most of us have this ideal image of how we want our family lives to be full of joy and peace during this special time of year. This ideal is challenging enough in traditional family systems, but for those who are in a step-family system peace during the holidays can seem like an unattainable fantasy.

These days almost everyone is somehow connected to a step-family system whether in our own home or in the home of our relatives. You may have step-kids, step-grandchildren, step-nieces or nephews, or even get a new step-parent once you are already an adult if one of your parents remarries. If so, then you are
part of what’s called a step-family system.

Step-family systems can be very challenging. Step-families are often referred to as blended families because the hope is to blend two families together. The term “blended family” can be a little misleading as it implies that the two families blend together quickly like a smoothie in your kitchen blender.

The reality is that life in a step-family is more like using a crock-pot, than a blender. In a crock-pot it takes a long, slow time for something to cook. Step-families can take some time to get to a place of peace and harmony in the home.

Here are three quick tips to help step-families get on a healthy path during the holidays. Whether you are part of a step family system, or are someone who works with kids and families, these are great tips for you to know, share, and apply to make our families happier and healthier.

1. Have Extra Grace—The first rule of step-families is to have extra grace! That means to be more
forgiving on a daily basis. There are so many stressful issues inherent in step-families that it is imperative for step-family members to have an overall attitude of extra grace in their homes.

The parents must decide to create a culture of extra grace in their home, and then teach it to their children. And the parents must model the extra grace rule. It is very common that your step children will get under your skin faster and more frequently than your biological children. When you are aware of that tendency, it is easier to control it and exercise grace. A home filled with extra grace is a home where families can begin to blend together in a healthy way.

2. Discipline with Wisdom—In a step family system, discipline dispensed with wisdom goes a long way towards creating the best possible family environment. When step-parents discipline their step-child, this creates a great deal of resentment that may fester over time, be very difficult to overcome, and be a drain on the peace and harmony in the home.

When a child misbehaves and discipline is necessary both parents should discuss the situation and come to an agreement on the proper course of action behind closed doors. They then address the child with the biological parent stating what the discipline is, and the step-parent standing right behind the biological parent showing their support for the decision and their spouse.

Quick example: Billy, who lives with his stepdad and biological mom, stays out thirty minutes past curfew. Step-dad thinks Billy should be grounded for two weeks; mom thinks Billy should lose his cellphone
for a day. Stepdad and mom need to discuss, and perhaps compromise a little, on the course of action, but they have to do it behind closed doors or else Billy will try to divide and conquer if he sees them arguing. Once the decision is made, mom and stepdad approach Billy, with Mom in front doing the talking and
stepdad standing right behind her. Mom lays down the law and stepdad shows his strong support for her.

3. Create New Family Traditions—When two families come together each one has had family traditions in their past that are so important and dear to their hearts. While it is important to honor and respect those past traditions, it is wise to start some new family traditions that are unique to the new blended family.

New family traditions can include family movie nights, family game nights, or a new sport or other activity. And of course the holidays are a great time to start a new family tradition. Some new decorations, a special meal, attending a Christmas Eve service, a snow day, there are numerous possibilities. Be creative and have fun with it…you may be starting something that will last for generations!Happy Holidays to you and your family!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. If you have any questions or comments, please send them to randy@randymoraitis.com or call 949-303-8264.
Websites: www.carepossible.org, www.randymoraitis.com.

About Randy Moraitis
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy he will gladly show you pictures!) Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families affected by addiction and/or mental health issues. He is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelors degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been helping groups, individuals and families get mentally, physically and spiritually healthy in Orange County for over 25 years.

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