Posts

valentine day

4 Steps to a Great Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day—the often dreaded, frequently disappointing, and usually expensive holiday is here.

Here are 4 easy to remember steps to help make this Valentine’s Day have more lasting meaning and depth than you can buy with an expensive present. (You can still buy the present!)

L—LOVE.
One of the best ways to show you love and care about someone is to actively listen to them. Look them in their eyes when they talk to you. Reflect, and repeat back, some of what they say to you in order to show and ensure that you understand them. Feeling listened to will make someone feel loved and cared for.

O—Overcome.
When you are in a long term relationship with someone you are bound to experience conflict. Remember to work together as a team so that you can overcome any bumps in the road together.

V—Value.
Stop and think about how important your special someone is to you. What do they mean to you? What do you appreciate about them? Whatever just came to your mind—be sure to share that. Tell them how much you value and appreciate them.

E—Encourage.
One of my favorite quotes is “encourage one another and build each other up” (from 1 Thessalonians 5:11). Our words are so powerful—we need to use them to encourage and build up our loved ones. It takes five positive comments to balance out one negative comment to others (read that twice so it sinks in!). Make sure your words encourage those you love if you really want them to feel loved.

Whether you are spending time on Valentine’s Day with your spouse, your significant other, or your children, if you remember to Listen, Overcome, Value, and Encourage them, I am pretty sure that they are going to feel the love!

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com or visit my websites www.randymoraitis.com or www.thecrossing.com

teen drug testing

Should I Drug Test My Teen?

People often ask me whether they should drug test their teen. I believe that home drug testing of teens is a great tool, but like any tool, it must be used properly. Here are some facts to guide you in your decision making:

Easy Access–Home drug tests can be purchased online or in most pharmacies. Before purchasing, be sure to do some research online, or ask your physician or pharmacist for their recommendation. Be aware that home drug tests do not test for every drug, but they are still very useful.

Peer Pressure Victory–Most teens will inevitably be faced with peer pressure or circumstances to try drugs. If you let your teen know that they will be randomly drug tested, then you are giving them a safe way out of these pressure filled situations. This can be very powerful!

Tested Positive—Now What?–Think through how you will respond if your teen tests positive. Start with an honest heart-to-heart and try to find out what is going on in your teen’s life. Schedule an appointment with a counselor specializing in addictions. Continue testing and if there are more positive results get your teen into treatment.

Tested Negative—Now What?–A negative test deserves praise and still serves as an opportunity for honest discussion about drugs and alcohol—a subject that many are uncomfortable to discuss. Create a culture in your family where it is safe to talk about anything.

Also, keep in mind that a negative test may also mean that drugs have simply already passed through your teen’s system and are no longer detectable. If you observe suspicious behavior, follow your intuition and test again soon or consult with your physician or a counselor.

Parenting teens is hard! The wise parent will use every tool in the toolbox and drug testing is a great tool. I’d enjoy hearing your thoughts on this subject. You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com or visit my websites www.randymoraitis.com or www.thecrossing.com.

By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC, CPC

I once heard it said that raising a teenager is like trying to nail jello to a tree–very challenging. I should know, I’m on my fifth teen and I’ve got the gray hairs to prove it!

Parents of teens have so much to worry about when their teens go out–alcohol, illegal drugs, prescription drugs, texting while driving–the list is very long and very scary.

Before your teen goes out, as part of setting clear expectations and boundaries, be sure to ask these five questions:

1. What will you be doing?

2. Where will you be going?

3. Who will you be with?

4. When will you be home?

5. How can I reach you?

By asking these questions, and only allowing your teen to go out once you have the answers, you are being a very proactive and responsible parent and sending a message to your teen that you love them and are paying attention.

Next blog–“Should I drug test my teen?”

I’d enjoy hearing your thoughts on this subject. You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com or visit my websites ==www.randymoraitis.com or www.thecrossing.com

addiction

Here is a brief list of frequently asked questions (FAQs) I receive about addiction:

1. How do I know if it really is an addiction? 

When a person requires increasing amounts of a habit forming substance, or compulsive behavior, they likely have an addiction. If there are negative consequences because of the substance use or behavior, this is usually a clear indicator that there is an addiction requiring treatment.

2. What should I do if think I am addicted?

According to the American Society for Addiction Medicine (ASAM) addiction is a bio-psycho-social-spiritual affliction that is very difficult to treat without help. If you think you are struggling with an addiction, seek help immediately! A great first step is to attend a support group such as AA or NA. Depending on the addiction, a medically supervised detox may be necessary, so consulting with a physician or checking into an addiction treatment center is advised.

3. What should I do if I suspect a loved on of having an addiction?

  • Confront them in love and let them know how their behavior makes you feel. Do not pretend as if nothing is wrong.
  • Do not enable your loved one! Do not give them money and do not cover for them. Let them experience the consequences of their choices.
  • Go to an Al-Anon meeting or similar support group for friends and families of addicts.
  • Do your best to get your loved one into treatment. Different parts of the treatment program include: detox, rehab, sober living, working a 12 step program with a sponsor, counseling, and having a recovery coach to aid in relapse prevention.
  • Consider an intervention if you have difficulty getting your loved on into treatment.

Addiction is a life and death problem. If you or someone you love struggles with addiction, get help now. For a list of resources to get you started click here.

As always, I would love to know your thoughts on this topic. Please feel free to email me or visit my website.

 

breathe
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC

Stressed out? Tense? Anxious?

If so, here is a simple technique to help you relax. This technique will lower your heart rate, your blood pressure, and your potential for doing or saying something you may regret.

The technique is called “four square breathing” and is taught to military special forces units and first responders to help them stay calm in very stressful situations.

Four square breathing is a quick and easy way to get calm, cool, and collected and can be done virtually anytime and anywhere. I’ve used the technique very successfully with many clients over the years.

Here’s how to do Four Square Breathing:

1. Inhale through the nose for four seconds.
2. Hold the breath for four seconds.
3. Exhale through the mouth for four seconds.
4. Pause for four seconds.

Repeat for 1-3 minutes.

Tips to make this exercise even more effective:

1. Drop and relax your shoulders on each exhale.
2. Focus on a positive, encouraging, relaxing short phrase on each of the four breathing steps and say it in your during each of the four steps.
3. Listen to relaxing music while doing this technique.
4. Once four seconds per step becomes easy, you can increase the duration of each step to six or eight seconds.

I would love to hear any suggestions you have for relaxation. Contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.carepossible.org.

 

Couple arguing

By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC, CPC

Have you heard the joke, “A codependent is a person who, when they die, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes?”

That joke is really an unfortunate sign of the times and indicative of just how widespread codependency is.

So exactly what is a codependent? Melody Beattie, a leading expert and author on the subject of codependency, offers up this definition:

“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. Codependency involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving toward ourselves and others that causes us pain.”

Causes of Codependency

The roots of codependency can often be found in one’s family of origin. If a family is dysfunctional, a child may grow up to be codependent. Physical, sexual, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual abuse can all lead to the abused person becoming codependent.

With the proliferation of addiction to drugs and alcohol in our society, a byproduct is that we see an increase in those who struggle with codependency.

Five Core Symptoms of Codependency

1. Difficulty experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem.

2. Difficulty setting healthy, functional boundaries.

3. Difficulty owning one’s personal reality: body, thoughts, feelings, behavior.

4. Difficulty acknowledging and meeting one’s own needs, wants, and being
interdependent.

5. Difficulty experiencing and moderately expressing reality.

Moving Toward Recovery and Away from Codependency

There is hope for the codependent! By learning to detach from the person who is the focus of codependency one can begin to be set free and start living their own life. It is important for the person struggling with codependency to learn to love themselves, find their purpose in life and learn the art of acceptance.

If you or someone you know struggles with any of the above five core symptoms, please consider taking the following steps to begin the healing process:

1. Attend a CoDa (Codependents Anonymous) support group www.coda.org.

2. See a counselor or therapist to work on pain from your past.

3. Work with a recovery coach who can help you get unstuck and have a healthy
breakthrough.

I would love to hear from you on this important topic. Contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.thecrossing.com.

By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC

Wellness is a hot topic right now. A quick Google search of the word “wellness” will net 490 million hits.
That is a huge amount of  interest in the subject of wellness.

So just what is “wellness”? According to the Oxford Dictionary, wellness is “the state or condition of being in good physical and mental health”.

While fitness programs focus on physical health, wellness programs, often designed by wellness coaches, take the process a step further by including focus on one’s mental health.

This is crucial because mental health and physical health are often closely connected, as we see in the proven link between anxiety, depression, and exercise. Numerous studies have shown that regular exercise can reduce or eliminate anxiety and depression in certain individuals.

Starting on a Path to Wellness!

Physical—the American College of Sports Medicine recommends the following for physical exercise:

  • 3-5 times per week.
  • 30-60 minutes per session.
  • 1 session per day.
  • Include aerobic (cardio), strength training, and flexibility exercises.
  • Find activities you enjoy.

Mental—for good mental health try the following:

  • Schedule regular time for rest and relaxation.
  • Engage in healthy community such as a small group at your local church.
  • Seek a counselor or therapist to deal with past hurts.
  • Spend time with family and friends.
  • Find your passion and purpose in life and live it out!

For more information on wellness programs please feel free to contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.thecrossing.com.

Consult with your physician or a qualified wellness coach before starting a new exercise program.

Couple arguing
By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC

Most people hate conflict and would rather avoid conflict altogether than work towards a solution. Here is a five step plan for you to use next time you have a conflict with a friend, family member, or significant other.

1. Check Your Anger.
Be sure your anger is under control. Thomas Jefferson once said, “When angry count to ten before speaking. When very angry count to 100.” This is great advice. If you cannot share your thoughts or feelings in a safe and loving way, take some time to cool down!

2. Check The Timing.
Is this an appropriate time to deal with this conflict? Are you in public or in front of children? Find a safe and appropriate time for both parties to work towards a solution.

3. Practice Intentional Listening and Forgiveness.
Decide who will share first and who will intentionally listen first. Practice empathy and humility, and try to stay as positive as possible while sharing. Then reverse roles of listener and sharer. Thank each other for listening and ask each other how you feel about what was shared. After sharing and listening, ask for forgiveness and apologize.

4. Brainstorm Solutions.
Work together with an open mind to come up with as many solutions as possible for the conflict.

5. Choose A Solution.

Decide which solution from the brainstorming session you each are willing to try. Do your best to agree on a win-win and be open to some compromise. Clearly communicate the plan to each other. Give it a try and then give it some time. If the solution does not work out, then do another brainstorming session and choose a new solution. You can do this!

Learn this plan and you can have confidence in yourself knowing you can handle any conflict!

Special thanks to Dr. Roger Tirabassi for teaching me these techniques.

I would love to hear your input on this topic. Email: randy@randymoraitis.com.

Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.thecrossing.com