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Mental Health and The Church

Observations from The Gathering on Mental Health and The Church held at Saddleback Church on March 28, 2014:

  • This was not a churchy pray away the problem type of event. It was very scientifically sound and included teaching from some top mental health professionals including Daniel Amen, MD, Tom Okamoto, MD and Aaron Kheriaty, MD (Professor of Psychiatry at UC Irvine).
  • The goal was to prepare church leaders to effectively deal with mental health issues because 26% of adults will have these issues and one third of these folks seek help from the local church first.
  • Another goal of the event was to reduce the stigma and reduce the fear of mental illness.
  • Science and religion should be in dialogue–not contradict each other.
  • Research shows prayer and meditation are very helpful to those with some mental health issues.
  • We’re all mentally ill on some level–it’s just a continuum–so don’t judge others!
  • Family, faith and community support are huge factors in successfully treating those with mental illness.

Conclusion–this was an amazing, much needed and much overdue event! Lives will be changed and even saved from the seeds planted at this event. Personally, I am very grateful to work at a church that is on the forefront of providing quality mental health care to our community.

You can watch a webcast of the event and download the accompanying workbook here: http://mentalhealthandthechurch.com/Webcast. The workbook is an incredible compilation of helpful resources and next steps in helping those struggling with mental health issues.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject.
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com

Websites: www.thecrossing.com, www.thecrossing.com, www.randymoraitis.com

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The Power of No!


Those who know me well know that I am a huge fan of healthy boundaries. So when I came across these tips on Finding Your Voice to say No by psychologist Judith Sills, Ph.D., I just had to share. If you are new to saying no and setting boundaries, give these tips a try– you will be empowered!

Finding Your Voice

1. Replace your automatic Yes with “I’ll think about it.” This puts you in control, softens the ground for a NO and gives you time to think things through to make a healthy choice.

2. Soften your language. Try “I’m not comfortable with that”, or “I’d rather not”, or “let’s agree to disagree”. You are still delivering a clear “no”, but softening your language may make it go down better.

3. Contain your feelings. Even though you may not feel like it, No is best delivered pleasantly with an air of calm. Outward calm quiets your inner turmoil and reduces the negative impact of your No on your audience.

4. Refer to your commitment to others. Say No without appearing selfish by stating how you would love to help, but must keep your prior commitment to your mother, child, etc., and you can’t let them down.

5. Realize you represent others. When you realize it is not just your own interest at stake, but that of your family’s, you will feel more assertive in giving a No to a low-ball offer or intrusion on your time.

6. Rehearse. This strategy is best for ongoing situations such as a demanding boss or recurring relational conflict with a spouse, friend, or family member. By rehearsing, you are prepared to respond with a calm, respectful No.

With some regular practice finding your voice, you just may get to the place where you can respond to any inappropriate, uncomfortable, excessive request with a firm one-word, no explanation verdict–No.

I wish you well in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject. Email: randy@randymoraitis.com

Websites: www.carepossible.com, www.randymoraitis.com

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Anxiety–A Brief History

anxiety

Anxiety–A Brief History

Suffer from anxiety?  If so, you are not alone. According to the National Institute of Mental Health over 55 million Americans struggle with anxiety.

In a quest for better understanding and relief from anxiety, author Scott Stossel chronicled the history of the evolution of anxiety (Psychology Today, Feb. 2014). Here are the highlights:

4th Century B.C.–Hippocrates describes anxiety as a medical disease caused by “body juices”. Plato and his followers argue that it’s a philosophical problem, not a physical one. This launched an enduring argument between biological and mental approaches.

1862–An anxiety ridden Union soldier is diagnosed with “soldier’s heart”, a precursor to “shell shock” and post-traumatic stress disorder.

1883–The case of a man with an open hole in his stomach sheds light on how emotion affects the digestive system. When the man is anxious, his stomach tissue turns visibly pale.

1899–The Merck Manual (a medical reference book) recommends opium as an anxiety remedy.

1908–Two psychologists connect peak performance with optimal levels of arousal, suggesting that the right balance of anxiety–not too much, not too little–can be helpful during a test or competition.

1959–The New York Times makes the first written reference to antidepressants which paves the way for a surge in pharmacological anxiety treatments.

1980–The 3rd edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is released, replacing Freudian concepts of neurosis with panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other types of anxiety.

2005–The National Institute of Mental Health reports that 18% of American adults have some type of anxiety disorder.

So anxiety is real, it’s been around for thousands of years, and it requires treatment. In my next blog I will give recommendations for those afflicted with anxiety issues. In the meantime you can check out some resources here: http://carepossible.org/resources/

I’d love to hear from you! If you need support with anxiety please contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com. Websites: www.carepossible.com, www.randymoraitis.com.

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4 Therapy Skills Everyone Can Use

Most people know that hairstylists and bartenders make great amateur therapists. But what are the actual skills one needs to do therapy effectively?

According to licensed psychologist Linda Hatch, PhD, there are four skills that anyone can use to be helpful to someone in a stressful or difficult situation.

Hatch states that effective therapy allows people to notice or get in touch with themselves. Here are the four skills she recommends that anyone can use to help people get in touch with themselves and the reality of their situation.

1. Attending.  When you play a therapeutic role with someone you are giving them your full attention, meaning you are not distracted by some other agenda of your own.  You may have your own motives and needs but they don’t prevent you from listening fully and being fully present.  This is sometimes called attunement or active listening.

2. Reflecting.  Reflecting is essentially letting the person know that you are attending to them and that you understand what they are saying and that you perceive their emotional state.  It is neutral.  Simply reflect back what you see or hear without judgment.

3. Validating.  This involves letting the person know that you genuinely accept them as they are.  It indicates a belief that what they think or feel is not stupid or crazy. That their feelings are real. Once a person feels safe in assuming that their feelings, thoughts or behavior have some kind of logic then it becomes safe for the person to further examine their own inner life.

4. Reframing.  This is a way to help the person see things from a different perspective.  This is why it is hard to do therapy on ourselves.  We get stuck in our own point of view and it takes another person to help us see things in a different light.  This is not just seeing the glass half full or pointing to a silver lining.  It is letting the person see through your eyes the fact that there may be different aspects or outcomes to the problem they face.

Attending, reflecting, validating, and reframing. If you can do these four skills, you can be of useful, therapeutic help to someone in need. At the very least, if you put these skills into practice you will grow in your listening skills.

Now this isn’t a license for everyone to start doing therapy on all the people around them. This is simply an encouragement and acknowledgment that, in the same way everyone should know basic first aid, even if they’re not a doctor, everyone can also know some basic therapy.

Now I encourage you to look for opportunities to apply these four skills!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com.

Websites: www.thecrossing.com, www.carepossible.com and www.randymoraitis.com

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Free Personality Test–Part 2

By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC, CPC

As I mentioned in a previous blog post there are many personality profiles out there–Myers-Briggs, DiSC, the Keirsey Temperament Sorter–most of which are used by prospective employers to determine the best hires for their companies, as well as for pre-marital counseling purposes.

These are all effective at determining personality style, but they take some time and they cost money!

Here is another free personality test that will help you learn more about your personality type and help you understand and communicate better with others.

This test is based on Carl Jung’s and Isabel Briggs Myers’ typological approach to understanding personality.

The test is from the website www.humanetrics.com which has a lot of great information to help you grow. The website states that after completing the questionairre you will be able to:

  • Obtain your 4-letter type formula according to Carl Jung’s and Isabel Briggs Myers’ typology, along with the strengths of preferences and the description of your personality type
  • Discover careers and occupations most suitable for your personality type along with examples of educational institutions where you can get a relevant degree or training
  • See which famous personalities share your type
  • Access free career development resources and learn about premium ones
  • Be able to use the results of this test as an input into the Jung Marriage Test™ and the Demo of the Marriage Test™, to assess your compatibility with your long-term romantic partner.

Just click here to take the test, it is free and only takes about 5-10 minutes.

I would love to hear what your type is! You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com.
Websites: www.thecrossing.com, www.carepossible.com and www.randymoraitis.com

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FREE PERSONALITY TEST

personality test
There are many personality profiles out there–Myers-Briggs, DiSC, the Keirsey Temperament Sorter–most of which are used by prospective employers to determine the best hires for their companies. These are all effective at determining personality style, but they take some time and they cost money!

There is a lesser known personality profile that is very effective, very fast and easy to take, and it’s free and fun! Here’s a link: personality test

This profile was developed by psychologists Dr. Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent. They have divided personalities into four types–Lions, Otters, Golden Retrievers and Beavers. The way they developed this test makes it  fun and easy even for kids to take.

So why should anyone take the test? Because personality tests can be a great tool to help us learn more about ourselves and learn how to communicate more effectively in our relationships with family, friends, and co-workers. For example, if you know their personality style you can:

  • Communicate more effectively with your spouse.
  • Learn how to get a long with that difficult co-worker.
  • Understand how to communicate with your boss in a way that they truly appreciate.
  • Determine the best way to get your child to listen.

Quick Summary of the Four Animal Types:

LION
Strengths: Takes charge, problem solver, competitive.
Weaknesses: Too direct, impatient, and busy. Insensitive to others.

OTTER
Strengths: Optimistic, energetic, motivating, warm and friendly.
Weaknesses: Unrealistic, undisciplined, lacks follow-through.

GOLDEN RETRIEVER
Strengths: Warm and relational, loyal, sensitive to others.
Weaknesses: Poor boundaries, easily hurt, sacrifices own feelings.

BEAVER
Strengths: Accurate and precise. Discerning and analytical.
Weaknesses: Too critical, controlling, or strict.

So which one do you identify with? Most people have a dominant animal type along with a secondary animal type. The healthy person who has worked on themselves over the years will find they have a very well balanced personality reflecting different aspects of all four types.

To have some fun and take the test today, then share it with your family, friends and co-workers. By understanding ourselves and each other, we can all get along better!

I would love to hear what your animal type is! You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com.
Websites: www.carepossible.com and www.randymoraitis.com

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FAQs About Addiction

addiction

Here is a brief list of frequently asked questions (FAQs) I receive about addiction:

1. How do I know if it really is an addiction? 

When a person requires increasing amounts of a habit forming substance, or compulsive behavior, they likely have an addiction. If there are negative consequences because of the substance use or behavior, this is usually a clear indicator that there is an addiction requiring treatment.

2. What should I do if think I am addicted?

According to the American Society for Addiction Medicine (ASAM) addiction is a bio-psycho-social-spiritual affliction that is very difficult to treat without help. If you think you are struggling with an addiction, seek help immediately! A great first step is to attend a support group such as AA or NA. Depending on the addiction, a medically supervised detox may be necessary, so consulting with a physician or checking into an addiction treatment center is advised.

3. What should I do if I suspect a loved on of having an addiction?

  • Confront them in love and let them know how their behavior makes you feel. Do not pretend as if nothing is wrong.
  • Do not enable your loved one! Do not give them money and do not cover for them. Let them experience the consequences of their choices.
  • Go to an Al-Anon meeting or similar support group for friends and families of addicts.
  • Do your best to get your loved one into treatment. Different parts of the treatment program include: detox, rehab, sober living, working a 12 step program with a sponsor, counseling, and having a recovery coach to aid in relapse prevention.
  • Consider an intervention if you have difficulty getting your loved on into treatment.

Addiction is a life and death problem. If you or someone you love struggles with addiction, get help now. For a list of resources to get you started click here.

As always, I would love to know your thoughts on this topic. Please feel free to email me or visit my website.

 

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Christmas Facts and Fallacies

christmas tree
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC

1. What’s up with mistletoe? Mistletoe, the only plant to rival roses for inspiring kisses, was originally used by Druid priests 200 years before the birth of Christ in their winter celebrations. They revered the plant since it had no roots yet remained green during the cold months of winter.

The ancient Celtics believed mistletoe to have magical healing powers and used it as an antidote for poison, infertility, and to ward off evil spirits. The plant was also seen as a symbol of peace, and it is said that among Romans, enemies who met under mistletoe would lay down their weapons and embrace.

Scandinavians associated the plant with Frigga, their goddess of love, and it may be from this that we derive the custom of kissing under the mistletoe. Those who kissed under the mistletoe had the promise of happiness and good luck in the following year.

So mistletoe is more related to wintertime, than Christmas, but it’s use is highly encouraged by this writer.

2. The stable truth. The biblical story about the birth of Christ does not actually mention a stable. It does mention a manger which often leads people to think the baby Jesus was born in a barn. In reality, Jesus was probably born in a cave or, according to archaeology experts, Jesus was probably born in the house of relatives, but outside of the normal living and guest quarters. Quite a humble beginning.

3. Who were The Three Kings? Sorry to totally mess up your nativity scene (mine, too!) but there is no actual mention of “kings” in the biblical account of Christ’s birth. The Bible does say that wise men, also called “magi”, (but not Kings) visited Jesus. And it never says there were three of them. The word used for “magi” is plural, there were more than one, but people assume there were three because of the three gifts—gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Bottom line, they were not kings and there may not have been three of them!

4. Is Christmas really Jesus’ birthday? Although it is possible, it is very unlikely that Jesus was born on December 25th. No one knows for sure the exact date of Christ’s birth. The date chosen to celebrate it may be related to the Roman Saturnalia festival that lasted from the 17th -23rd of December. December 25th was chosen somewhere during the 4th century AD by the heads of the church. People were already used to gathering, so why not celebrate the birth of Christ?

5. Who is Santa Claus? Yes, Virginia, there really was a Santa Claus! The origin of Santa Claus began in the 4th century with the real Saint Nicholas, a Bishop in present day Turkey. By all accounts St. Nicholas was a generous and devoted Christ follower. He was particularly devoted to children. His kindness and reputation for generosity gave rise to much folklore that has spread and increased across cultures and through the years.

6. What about Jesus? Who was he? Did he really exist or was he a mythological character? There can be no doubt that Jesus actually existed and that he walked the earth. Sources outside of the Bible clearly confirm this. We may not have all the facts and cast of characters of our nativity scenes completely accurate, but we can rest assured that Jesus Christ was born, that his birth has been celebrated for two thousand years, and that he is the reason for the season. Merry Christmas!

Do you have any interesting Christmas facts or fallacies? I would love to hear them! Contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com or 949-303-8264. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.carepossible.org.

About Randy Moraitis
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy he will gladly show you pictures!) Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families affected by addiction and/or mental health issues. He is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelors degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been helping groups, individuals and families get mentally, physically and spiritually healthy in Orange County for over 25 years.

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