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9 Symptoms of Depression

depression

By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC

Depression is a very common problem. Approximately 10% of the US population, over 30 million Americans, suffer from depression–but most could be successfully treated. The first step towards healing is to know the symptoms of depression.

Here are the symptoms so you can tell if you, or someone you care about, may have clinical depression:

There is an mnemonic that mental health professionals use to list the symptoms:

SIGECAPS.

S—SADNESS—the first, most obvious symptom–more than just the blues or a funk, but a deep sadness.

S—SLEEP—some with depression have difficulty sleeping, especially between 2-4am, others with depression want to sleep all the time. They’d rather sleep than participate in life.

I—INTERESTS—the person is no longer interested in doing what were once their favorite activities.

G—GUILT—feeling guilty can contribute to depression.

E—ENERGY—feeling like you have no energy is a common symptom of depression. It feels like the wind was knocked out of your sails.

C—CONCENTRATION—people with depression find it very hard to focus so they have trouble with work or schoolwork. Their poor performance leads to more problems which can perpetuate the depression.

A—APPETITE—a sudden change in appetite is a common symptom with depression. 1 in 4 people gain weight, 3 in 4 lose weight—we see this a lot with people going through a painful divorce—the divorce diet.

P—PSYCHO-MOTOR ABNORMALITIES—for example when you’re depressed it may feel like you’re moving in slow motion.

S—SUICIDAL THOUGHTS—very common—and if you or someone you know ever has suicidal thoughts, especially if there is a time and a method—like “I am going to take pills tonight at midnight”—call 911 immediately!

For someone to be diagnosed with clinical depression, they need to have 5 or more of these 9 symptoms for 2 weeks or longer. If you think you may have depression, then make an appointment with a doctor or counselor today. There is hope for healing, so take the first step today!

If you or a loved one are affected by depression, please reach out for help today. Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Phone: 949.303.8264
Websites: www.randymoraitis.com or www.carepossible.org

About Randy Moraitis

Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy he will gladly show you pictures!)

Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families affected by addiction and/or mental health issues. He is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelors degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been helping groups, individuals and families get mentally, physically and spiritually healthy in Orange County for over 25 years.

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Boundaries For Leaders–Book Review

Boundaries For Leaders was written by Dr. Henry Cloud, best known as the coauthor of the bestselling book Boundaries. I am a huge fan of Boundaries and really believe that it should be required reading for every human being. As a counselor it has been my observation that many problems experienced by individuals and families are often related to boundary issues.

So it was with great anticipation that I read Dr. Cloud’s new book Boundaries For Leaders, subtitled Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge.

This book was intended for, and marketed towards, executives and leaders who want to create successful organizations with satisfied employees and customers. However, I believe the principles taught by Dr. Cloud, based on his years of experience as a psychologist, life coach, and business consultant, can apply to anyone who has influence over others including parents, community leaders, and church leaders.

Boundaries for Leaders is full of tried and tested tools and techniques that leaders can use to inspire maximum performance from those they lead, as well create a mentally healthy organization.

According to Dr. Cloud a leader must, “accept that you are ridiculously in charge and that you are responsible for establishing the climate for success, setting the terms and expectations for performance with your people, for your organization, and for yourself.” (p. 235)

Some of Dr. Cloud’s suggestions for leaders include:

  • Create an emotional environment that is free of the wrong kinds of stress.
  • Build teams that are deeply connected.
  • Help people to think optimistically and root out pessimism.

The bottom line: leaders get what they create and what they allow! (Side-note–so do parents!)

I highly recommend this book for everyone as I believe we all have the potential to be leaders wherever we are. Add it to your summer reading list and watch yourself become ridiculously in charge!

I would love to hear your thoughts!
Email randy@randymoraitis.com
Websites: www.thecrossing.com or www.randymoraitis.com

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“The Circle Maker” Book Review

The Circle Maker

The Circle Maker is the latest book by author and pastor Mark Batterson. The book debuted on the New York Times Bestseller list last year and has found quite a following as one can see from a quick internet search of the title.

The book proved to be both easy to read, and hard to put down. In part due to Batterson’s writing style, and in part due to the intriguing, inspirational content.

The premise of the book is all about praying big and dreaming big. That we are to do this by “praying circles” around our hopes, needs, and dreams.

According to Pastor Mark Batterson, “Drawing prayer circles around our dreams isn’t just a mechanism whereby we accomplish great things for God. It’s a mechanism whereby God accomplishes great things in us.”

I found this book to be very inspirational and motivational. It encouraged me to take a look at how intentional and focused I was in my personal prayer life.

The last part of the book focuses on goal setting and the legacy we will leave. As a life coach,  I was truly very excited about this section and trust that it will benefit everyone, regardless of their belief system.

This book is motivational and a call to action. As I read it I was inspired to pray more often and pray more intentionally. I was motivated to really be thoughtful about my goals and the legacy I will leave to others.

One measure of a good book is whether it motivates readers to take action. Well The Circle Maker has certainly inspired this reader. I highly recommend this book!

I would love to hear your thoughts! Email randy@randymoraitis.com.
Websites: www.thecrossing.com or www.randymoraitis.com

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5 Tips for a Great Marriage

marriage
1. TALK!
It is critical for couples to talk regularly and talk from the heart! As you get to know your spouse better you should grow in learning how and when to best communicate. Be wise and pay attention to what works and what doesn’t. And when you do talk, share your feelings. If you have trouble expressing your emotions, try a feelings chart by clicking here.

2. GRATITUDE!
Having an attitude of gratitude will really change the tone of your marriage. Be sincerely grateful for your spouse, and let them know that you are grateful. Sometimes we get so busy with the daily tasks of life that we take our spouses for granted. Be thankful, then tell your spouse that you are thankful!

3. TEACHABILITY!
Be open minded and mature enough to realize that you may have some new lessons to learn. We are all works in progress that will do best if open to learning and growing through life. Sometimes couple may need a therapist or counselor to teach them the tools and skills needed to grow together through a difficult issue or season.

4. INTIMACY!
There are three types of intimacy that are key to the best marriages–relational intimacy, spiritual intimacy  and sexual intimacy. When you have the first two in place, the third flows more naturally. Be sure to invest in relational intimacy through talks, activities, and date nights. Invest in spiritual intimacy by praying together and attending church together. The closeness you develop through these activities will serve to strengthen your sexual intimacy.

5. DO-OVERS!
Let’s face it, we all make mistakes! Because of this I encourage all married couples to have a rule in their marriage: if they are arguing, one spouse can say, “Let’s start over” and the other agrees.This works great for most day to day marital spats. Obviously more serious issues may require a counselor to help resolve. Bottom line–forgiveness and the willingness to start fresh is key to a healthy marriage. Holding on to resentments only hurts the marriage.

Talk to your spouse, or future spouse, about these five tips. Just having that conversation is a healthy start!

If you have any marriage tips, I’d love to hear them. You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com. Websites: www.carepossible.org and www.randymoraitis.com.

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Four Cores of Character

Character

Four Cores of Character–Leadership Wired Blog Review

John Maxwell Company’s “Leadership Wired Blog” is a good source of info and inspiration for leaders and future leaders. (http://www.johnmaxwell.com/blog/)<

The most recent blog post, which covers material from Maxwell’s book Beyond Talent, begins with the question, “Are you a person of character?” As a huge fan of periodic self-examination I believe this is a great question to ponder.

The blog’s angle is the relationship between character and talent. However, I believe the points made in the post go beyond protecting and assessing one’s talent and really speak to having a strong foundation of
character in every area of our lives.

In Beyond Talent Maxwell states, “Character creates a foundation upon which the structure of your talent and your life can build. If there are cracks in that foundation, you cannot build much.” Well said, Mr. Maxwell.

Here are the four cores of character from Beyond Talent:

1. Self-Discipline—“The ability to do what is right even when you do not feel like doing it.”

2. Core Values—“Give order and structure to an individual’s inner life, and when that inner life is in order, a  person can navigate almost anything the world throws at him.”

3. A Sense of Identity—“No matter how hard you try, you cannot consistently behave in a way that is inconsistent with how you see yourself.”

4. Integrity—“When values, thoughts, feelings, and actions are in alignment, a person becomes focused and his character is strengthened.”

A person with strong character walks with integrity by consistently sticking to their values. Unfortunately, many are raised in families where they were not taught healthy values.

Fear not, it is never too late to start learning healthy values and making the decision to live by them so that you can become a person of strong character. If you aren’t sure of your core values, start making a
list of what you do value. Then fine tune and complete the list using trusted sources such as the Bible.

Thank you John Maxwell and Leadership Wired for your blog and your book. Both are well worth reading.

I would love to hear your thoughts on character.You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com.

Websites: www.thecrossing.com, www.carepossible.org and
www.randymoraitis.com

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The 5 Love Languages

five_love_languages

By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC, CPC

What if there was a way for you to know how to have better relationships? A way to better understand yourself and a way to better understand your partner? Wouldn’t that be great? Well guess what? There is!

It is the New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. This classic book is a favorite of pre-marital counselors and marriage counselors because the information it contains is helpful to any relationship. In fact it has been translated to more than 40 languages and has helped people around the world.

The premise of the book is that although there are many ways we can show our love to others, there are five “love languages” that are universal. Dr. Chapman states that we all have a love language and we can all relate primarily to one of these five love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3.  Receiving Gifts
4.  Acts of Service
5.  Physical Touch

The book describes the different love languages in detail to help you understand both your primary love languages, as well as your partners. There is even an assessment in the book that will determine your primary and secondary love languages.

Why is this important? As a counselor I often work with couples who do not really understand their partners. They spend a lot of energy trying to show love to their partner, but it is usually in their own love language, not their partners. This ends up being wasted time and energy that only leads to frustration for both parties.

As an example, I once worked with a couple who just weren’t connecting. The husband was confused and frustrated. He came home from work every day and did a lot of housework thinking he was showing his love to his wife. He thought this way because his “love language” was acts of service. However, his wife’s love language was quality time. She just wanted his time and attention; she didn’t care about him mopping the floor, so she felt unloved and she let him know it!

They were not connecting because they were not speaking the right language to each other. Once they learned about their love languages, they were able to express their love to each other in ways that really led to deeper and more fulfilling connection.

How about you? Do you know your love language? And more importantly, do you know your partner’s love language? If not, I highly recommend you read The 5 Love Languages. A little education and a little effort can go a long way towards improving your relationship and transforming your life!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. If you have any questions or comments, please send them to randy@randymoraitis.com.

Website: www.randymoraitis.com or www.thecrossing.com.

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4 Steps to a Great Valentine’s Day

valentine day

4 Steps to a Great Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day—the often dreaded, frequently disappointing, and usually expensive holiday is here.

Here are 4 easy to remember steps to help make this Valentine’s Day have more lasting meaning and depth than you can buy with an expensive present. (You can still buy the present!)

L—LOVE.
One of the best ways to show you love and care about someone is to actively listen to them. Look them in their eyes when they talk to you. Reflect, and repeat back, some of what they say to you in order to show and ensure that you understand them. Feeling listened to will make someone feel loved and cared for.

O—Overcome.
When you are in a long term relationship with someone you are bound to experience conflict. Remember to work together as a team so that you can overcome any bumps in the road together.

V—Value.
Stop and think about how important your special someone is to you. What do they mean to you? What do you appreciate about them? Whatever just came to your mind—be sure to share that. Tell them how much you value and appreciate them.

E—Encourage.
One of my favorite quotes is “encourage one another and build each other up” (from 1 Thessalonians 5:11). Our words are so powerful—we need to use them to encourage and build up our loved ones. It takes five positive comments to balance out one negative comment to others (read that twice so it sinks in!). Make sure your words encourage those you love if you really want them to feel loved.

Whether you are spending time on Valentine’s Day with your spouse, your significant other, or your children, if you remember to Listen, Overcome, Value, and Encourage them, I am pretty sure that they are going to feel the love!

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com or visit my websites www.randymoraitis.com or www.thecrossing.com

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Need to Chill?

breathe
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC

Stressed out? Tense? Anxious?

If so, here is a simple technique to help you relax. This technique will lower your heart rate, your blood pressure, and your potential for doing or saying something you may regret.

The technique is called “four square breathing” and is taught to military special forces units and first responders to help them stay calm in very stressful situations.

Four square breathing is a quick and easy way to get calm, cool, and collected and can be done virtually anytime and anywhere. I’ve used the technique very successfully with many clients over the years.

Here’s how to do Four Square Breathing:

1. Inhale through the nose for four seconds.
2. Hold the breath for four seconds.
3. Exhale through the mouth for four seconds.
4. Pause for four seconds.

Repeat for 1-3 minutes.

Tips to make this exercise even more effective:

1. Drop and relax your shoulders on each exhale.
2. Focus on a positive, encouraging, relaxing short phrase on each of the four breathing steps and say it in your during each of the four steps.
3. Listen to relaxing music while doing this technique.
4. Once four seconds per step becomes easy, you can increase the duration of each step to six or eight seconds.

I would love to hear any suggestions you have for relaxation. Contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.carepossible.org.

 

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How To Save A Life

By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC

I received a great lesson on how to save a life earlier this week.

The lesson came in the form of a handwritten letter I found on my desk Tuesday morning.

The letter was left by someone who will remain anonymous. The letter told of how this person had been struggling with pain and addiction and depression and had lost all hope.

The letter stated that this person was seeking financial assistance and when there was none immediately available, she decided to take her life.

The letter told of the plan, the method, and the location of how and where she would end her life.

The letter shared that she was leaving our offices to go directly to end her life.

The letter stated that as she was leaving, walking out, I was walking in. She shared in the letter how I recognized her, said her name, said hello, then gave her a hug and a smile. I, of course, had absolutely no idea what was going on in her mind.

The letter shared that after the hug she continued walking towards the destination where she planned to take her life. While walking she reflected on the hug and the smile and that I remembered her name. She suddenly realized that she mattered to someone and that she mattered to God.

So she changed her mind. She chose to live.

The letter ended with the good news that she was doing much better and feeling very grateful. She wanted me to know all this so she took the time to write the letter.

Several days later she stopped by and dropped off a donation to help the homeless in our community.

So how do you save a life? With sincere love and caring for those you encounter throughout the day. You just never know what pain or trouble someone may be experiencing.

I think I’ll hold on to that letter.

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Codependency

Couple arguing

By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC, CPC

Have you heard the joke, “A codependent is a person who, when they die, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes?”

That joke is really an unfortunate sign of the times and indicative of just how widespread codependency is.

So exactly what is a codependent? Melody Beattie, a leading expert and author on the subject of codependency, offers up this definition:

“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. Codependency involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving toward ourselves and others that causes us pain.”

Causes of Codependency

The roots of codependency can often be found in one’s family of origin. If a family is dysfunctional, a child may grow up to be codependent. Physical, sexual, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual abuse can all lead to the abused person becoming codependent.

With the proliferation of addiction to drugs and alcohol in our society, a byproduct is that we see an increase in those who struggle with codependency.

Five Core Symptoms of Codependency

1. Difficulty experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem.

2. Difficulty setting healthy, functional boundaries.

3. Difficulty owning one’s personal reality: body, thoughts, feelings, behavior.

4. Difficulty acknowledging and meeting one’s own needs, wants, and being
interdependent.

5. Difficulty experiencing and moderately expressing reality.

Moving Toward Recovery and Away from Codependency

There is hope for the codependent! By learning to detach from the person who is the focus of codependency one can begin to be set free and start living their own life. It is important for the person struggling with codependency to learn to love themselves, find their purpose in life and learn the art of acceptance.

If you or someone you know struggles with any of the above five core symptoms, please consider taking the following steps to begin the healing process:

1. Attend a CoDa (Codependents Anonymous) support group www.coda.org.

2. See a counselor or therapist to work on pain from your past.

3. Work with a recovery coach who can help you get unstuck and have a healthy
breakthrough.

I would love to hear from you on this important topic. Contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.thecrossing.com.

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